I've talked about how to properly use the vertical poles provided for you safety on the metro HERE. What I haven't made clear is my how much dislike it when people rape the poll with their body making it impossible for others to use it for their safety. This recurring post was going to be called "pole rapers," buy my lawyer buddy thought it might be too much. That's how much I dislike these selfish bastards.
Bravely I have mentioned something to the worst offenders in the past. Unfortunately, most of the four foot six Asian women on the metro don't speak enough English to understand my complaint about their behavior. I'm losing the war because I can't win any of the battles.
So... I'm going to shame people into using metro poles correctly. Click on the pictures to pop a bigger a window.
This particular asshole had a lot of things working against him besides leaning on the pole and requiring the person next to him to uncomfortably hold on without touching him. Check out the douche bag sunglasses... they went well with his two Harvard embroidered bags you can't see. When the train stopped and a woman to his right got up to leave, he muscled his way into the seat past the woman holding onto the poll and the old lady standing next to her. He literally acted like it was game of musical chairs and shoved his ass down into the seat before either the old lady or young woman could react.
We've got to two offenders here on a crowded train. The guy in the suit looks like he's walking arm and arm with his sweat heart on the streets of Paris. The worst part is that his molesting of the pole does not gain him any advantage against a quickly starting or stopping train - he's just armpit f*cking the poor thing for no good reason.
Offender number two is wearing a "Live Strong" bracelet about 15 years after it was cool, so we're not surprised that he's got his ass and armpit attached to the pole. He's also holding onto a horizontal overhead pole taking up as much room as he possibly can. Between this guy and the other there's a huge hole in the middle of the crowded train where no one can stand because nobody can hold on. Thanks assholes.
I'm pretty sure this pole has runners on second and third base. When you live with three cats in an English basement in Falls Church you take your hugs where you can get them... I guess. Not a crowded train, but still a wholly inappropriate grip on the pole.
Send your photos of pole violators to bradkanus@gmail.com - your anominity is assured.
You should also do a post on the assholes who insist on bringing coffee on the Metro in the AM. If you ever spill that shit on me on my way to an important appointment or meeting, I'll kick your ass.
If you do a unscientific survey, it's pretty simple to figure out who the worst perpetrators are.
Posted by: L David | 07/09/2012 at 10:14 PM