I hate to have to do this again, but Jesus H. Christ these kids won't shut up. A whole gaggle of female interns got on at Foggy Bottom and their leader - the fat one - went about jabbering about nothing as if it was something and she did it in Fran Drescher's voice.
I'm sure she was their leader because the others were standing there listening intently as if the secret of the universe was about to fly out of her twinking-loving mouth. I don't know if the leadership role is something they choose by weight or if there was some kind of pie eating contest involved, but she was surely holding court like she was the judge.
It should be noted that she was the fattest, but the others were suffering from a serious outbreak of the cankles themselves. I don't know how you get the cankles, but all these girls had them bad. And let me tell you - if you've got cankles at 21, you need to forget Mr. Perfect or Mr. Right and start looking at Mr. Doesn't Hit Me With a Closed Hand or Mr. I'm Not Ready to Come out of the Closet Yet. Life isn't going to be like Sex in the City, ladies. It's going to be a little more like Bridesmaids, but not nearly as funny.
Below you'll find my original post on loudmouthed slave labor using the metro system. Re-enjoy it.
Part of this is not your fault, interns. Society's soft politically correct hands have let you get a little too big for your britches. All interns should be subject to the exact speech given in the following video link before they are unleashed on the rest of us. Please be warned that the video clip is Not Safe For Work, offensive, politically incorrect and most importantly - awesome. Click HERE.
I know being in the big city for your internship is pretty damn cool. Hell, it's the first time since you started college that you are involved in an activity where pajamas are frowned upon. Big things are happening to you. You're a rock star in your shining moment and you want to share it with the world. Do the rest of us a favor and keep it to yourself while you're on the metro - please.
You guys probably didn't notice when you got on the train today that everyone was playing the Quiet Game. You didn't notice because you couldn't be bothered to shut your mouth long enough to observe your surroundings and figure it out. Something you should be doing a lot of during your internship, but won't.
You see, nobody likes hearing you tell your intern friends your intern stories with your intern voice at an intern volume with your intern lingo created by your tiny little intern brain. You are disrupting our ride and embarrassing yourself. Stop it.
Want to impress people in DC? Shut up. Interns like children are to be bought and sold at auction seen, not heard.
This advice has been free - you will not receive a bill.