Every Monday we provide a list of things we think you should do this week. Without goals there would be no failure and thus nothing for us to make fun of.
1. Jump the gun and post your Pole Violators piece before you post your "things to do" column.
2. Don't write an open letter to the airline industry.
3. Do keep pondering the DC Queso index.
4. Pretend for a second that y0u'll go watch the fireworks and then realize it's not worth the hassle.
5. Prepare a better horror story about the power outages and storms than the blowhard in your office who always tries to top everyone else.
6. Definitely tell everyone on Facebook that you're okay, but ignore the fact that no one asked.
7. Love America for a moment - it's the only you have.